Finding courage at any age...

My first-born child turns 9 next week. In 8 more days, to be exact. She’s been counting the days down for three weeks using one of those construction paper chains (her idea). She even made a poster celebrating age 8 (filled with all the great stuff she experienced).

I’m excited for her birthday, but also sad. People often report feeling sad to watch their children grow up. Susan Cain describes this feeling in her new book, Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole partly as “an acute awareness to the passing of time.”
(such a good book, btw)

The truth is, I enjoy watching my child grow up. I love having a big kid that likes to go shopping with me and who can do a load of laundry without supervision. And I love having a child that writes stories and makes art projects just for fun. And who says things like,
“I’m so pretty. I’m a great artist. I’m a fabulous dancer.”

I’m sad though because as a therapist and a self-professed nerd of mental health research, I know the statistics.
Self-esteem in girls plummets 30% between ages 8-14.
So, as I watch my 8-year-old turn nine, I start to wonder how much time I have left before her beliefs about herself change.

I think about the adult women that come to me for therapy. The ones that are afraid to put in for promotions unless they are overqualified. The ones that have insomnia because they stay up at night questioning their “goodness” as partners, mothers, or business-owners. The ones that are afraid to show people their artwork (or who stopped making artwork) or who stopped dancing in public or who don’t want their picture taken anymore because they only see their flaws.

How can I keep my 8-year-old's confidence, charisma and passion in her 9-year-old body? Her 19-year-old body? Her 39-year-old-body?
We practice growth mindset techniques and encourage failure and risk-taking and…. (and I’m still worried that it won’t be enough)

I think there’s a reason that all of the inner child exercises ask you to think back to when you were about 8. Eight is this glorious age when we feel like we can do anything. In his book Tracking Wonder, Jeffrey Davis calls this your “young genius.” He asks you to think back to this time and describe yourself in three words.
I keep a picture of my young genius on my dresser - just as a reminder to let her play.

I was watching this now viral video from Magnolia Harbor Care Farm where my brilliant friend, Dr. Bree Conklin, provides sanctuary for abused and neglected animals. Dr. Conklin lets her young genius run wild on a daily basis on her TikTok channel. It’s a delight to watch.

In this video, you see a dog racing a horse. The dog doesn’t worry that it’s not big enough or strong enough to beat a horse. It doesn’t worry about losing or failing. I don’t know why the dog wants to race the horse, really. But it’s amazing to watch.

I think that the dog is like my 8 year old.

Confident. Charismatic. Fun.

I worry that over the next few years, she will lose that courage. She will think that the horse is too big or that she will look foolish for thinking she can take on such a big challenge. I worry that she will be afraid to race at all. I worry not just about her, but about all the girls.

Let's be more like our 8-year-old selves.

Let's never stop racing horses. You don’t have to explain why.

Think back to age 8 and capture some of the wisdom of your young genius. (It helps to picture what this child is wearing).

What did you do at that age for fun?

What are some words that you would use to describe yourself?

In your journal, have a dialogue (a back and forth conversation) with your 8-year-old self.

What advice would your 8-year-old self give you today?

P.S. I recently re-opened my business Facebook Page. If you want to follow me there, that might be fun - it's stuff like this but more often. :)